Falling over the muddy grass
Like the blanket
That I am snuggled up in now
Keeping the earth warm
From the howling wind
Until the Springtime sun.
Snowflakes are ballerinas
Dancing down
From the heavy grey clouds
To please us.
Swirling
Twirling
Leaping
And flying around my face
Settling down in my hair
To rest
From their endless prancing
Until the Springtime sun
The leafless trees
Aren’t dead
But lonely.
Lonely
And longing for a friend
For the birds
That once chattered to them
Are gone
Loneliness
Makes their leaves drop off
Until the Springtime sun
Winter
Smells of nothing
Because my nose
Is frozen solid
An ice cube
Like the frozen pond
Beside me
It will remain
A frozen prison
Until the Springtime sunby Haidee
Inspired by Marcie Ridlon Poem: Remember the Time
Hi Hadiee,
ReplyDeleteThat was a really long but good poem and we think the last little part was really funny this part, beside me it will remain a frozen prison.
From Chloe and Lucy
What a brilliant poem Haidee. I love the way you have used imagery with suggesting the snow is like a blanket. You have continued it on by detailing how you feel in a blanket. You use another simile but in the third and fourth verses you have used personification by suggesting the tree might be lonely. It really grabs at my feelings and draws me in to think of the pond being in a prison. You have really painted a picture in my mind.
ReplyDeleteTo improve your poem, you might want to investigate how poems use punctuation.
Haidee, I really LOVED your beautiful poem. It seemed so personal to you, and yet the clever way you wrote it made it seem personal to me, too.
ReplyDeleteI really think you should see if you can get this poem published somewhere, online or even in a book or magazine.
Carol